Down On The Farm
by TheBishieHunters
Summary: Hiita and Kao. Two rather, unusual chocobo farmers, who find themselves having odd and random adventures from time to time....wow i suck at summaries o.o OC
1. Morning Glory

Hiita: Holycrap, our first fanfiction to be read by others /_tear_/

Kao : Yes it is indeed a monumental day for both of us.. Seeing as most of our stories never last more than a page or two.

Hiita : Anyways, this story is just some random thing we came up with.

Kao : We hope you enjoy it .

Disclaimer! - unfortunately, neither of us own Final Fantasy, chocobos, or any of the characters other than Kao and Hiita.. and any other cheesy characters we come up with. Those characters that are not Kao or Hiita or any more of our stupid creations belong to Square-Enix

Kao : Too bad... If we did own Final Fantasy and the characters.. I'd currently be up in my room at the moment.. With Yazoo-kun.. doing...naughty things... >.>

Hiita : o.o;;; I don't want to know

Kao : Nyahaha! >X3

**Chapter 1 - Morning Glory**

"Wark! Warkwarkwawawarrrrrkwark!" This, rather spazmodic squaking signeled a new day at Pheonix Down Farm, the chocobo farm

owned, and ran by Hiita and Kao. Hiita, now awake from the psychotic warking by one "Renfield the Chocobo" stretched her limbs. She

smiled when she heard no joints crack. Rubbing the sleep from her crimson eyes, Hiita walked out to the kitchen to meet her f

riend/partner in buisness, who was already wide awake and cooking breakfast. "Mornin' Hiita!" Kao chimed.

Kao was... unusual. She happened to look alot like a certain late general, with her catlike mako green eyes and silver hair a length that

could give said general's hair a run for its money. Not to mention that she had quite a few, if not all screws loose. Now, this being said,

Hiita wasn't exactly what most people would call normal either. Even if she did tend to blend in with the crowd a bit more with her long

brown hair and crimson eyes, she however, was not playing with a full deck so to say. It was a wonder at times how the duo even

managed to survive.

"I really with that damned chocobo would stop that." Hiita growled. See, chocobo's usually don't wark at sunrise. But Renfield was

Kao's chocobo, and upon being bored one day, she had trained him to do so. (He's a really fast learner you know) It was rather funny

and amusing the first few mornings, but then after a couple of weeks, was just plain annoying. "Hey! Leave Renfield alone. It's not his

fault that he likes to be heard." Kao retorted, setting down a plate of pancakes infront of her friend. "No, it's your fault." The brunette

inspected the so called 'pancakes' in front of her. "My god.. Paper has been thicker!" You could say that making pancakes wasn't one of

their skills... Nor was cooking in general. Kao still had a fear of open flames since Hiita had burned her eyebrows clear off one day.

They were making a cake for a friends party, when Hiita had accidently set the batter aflame. How she managed to do this was still a

mystery to this very day. Needless to say, theyt ended up bringing 'homemade' doughnuts from Tonberry Hortons. A very important

lesson learned that day. Hiita+cookingfire, fire+Hiitavery, very bad things. And that usually ended up with Kao being hurt in someway or

another.

Anyways, back to the present. Hiita, being the wonderful morning person that she is (coughsarcasmcough) wasn't very pleased with this

breakfast gone wrong that her silver haired friend called pancakes. "I refuse to eat this disgrace to the almighty pancake gods!" Hiita

yelled angerly as she banged her fists on the table. With a determined look on her face, she took the pan from Kao and began to root

through their food. "Hmmm..." A sly grin stretched across her face. "Hey Renfield!" Hiita yelled out the window at the still warking

chocobo. "How about we put you in the frying pan?" The brunette turned to see Kao, to see her mako green eyes wide in shock. "What!

It shut him up didn't it?" Kao was about to protest when a loud crash and a fury of feathers distracted them both. Suddenly a massive

yellow fluff dove at Hiita. With a mass confusion of screams and warks **'The chase began!'** Hiita raced through the doorway and down

the field followed by a raging chocobo. "Renfield, wait come back! She didn't mean it!" Kao yelled as she chased after the screaming,

warking, beating of a frying pan, fury of feathers.

Hiita held an ice pack to her head and winced in pain. She sat in a chair at the kitchen table covered un bruises, scratches and huge

yellow feathers. "Blah" she said as she pulld a small piece of feather out of her mouth. Kao entered the house and sat at the table with a

heavy sigh. She glanced up at Hiita and was about to laugh at the sight of her, but was stopped by Hiita's glare. "Don't say it.. You look

just as pitiful as me!" The silver hair teen's face fell as she looked down at her dirt covered self. "But.." "NO!" Hiita snapped. "I don't

know what you were thinking, but you sure as **_hell_** are no cowboy, or cow'girl' for that matter!" Kao looked back up at Hiita "I almost

had him... I did!... I just kinda.. missed..." "MISSED!" Yelled Hiit, throwing her icepack on the table, causing Kao to jump. "**_MISSED! _**

You caught **_ME!_**" Hiita screamed so loud that the dishes in the sink rattled. "Then you chased Renfield who chased me.. and I was still

tied up.. He chased me into the god damn barbed wire!... **_BARBED WIRE!_**" "Well... It was your fault to begin with..." If looks could

kill, Kao would have been mangled, ritually sacrificed, creamated, spit on, revived and killed once again slowly and painfully. "My

fault...?" Hiita's crimson eyes flashed with fury. "**_My Fault!_**" Kao shrank back into her chair. When her friend was like this, even

Bahamut itself would run in terror, tail between its legs. "W..well" Kao stammered, looking for the right words that wouldn't end up her

getting impaled with an old wooden spoon. "If you hadn't of threatened Renfield in the first place, he wouldn't have chased you"

A few moments of silence passed, before "Ow!" Kao cringed, rubbing the newly forming lump on her forehead as the former icepack,

now weapon of mass destruction lay to the side, as Hiita glared dangerously at the silver haired girl. However the glare did not last long,

as she sighed. "C'mon, we gotta feed the damn chocobo's"

It was a perfect day, the sun was shining and the clouds were fluffy and floating along happily. The days events were slowly being

forgotten and the anger between chocobo and man seemed to have lifted and floated away with the puffy clouds. The chocobos could be

heard warking happily in the distance. Once they had finished cleaning the stalls, feeding the chocobos, the two girls packed their items

they needed for the day on two of them and headed for town. They buisness to do today. (Chocobo feathers make great pillows ).

**End Chapter 1**

Hiita : Wow.. over already?

Kao : No worries, the second chapter is longer than this. (also longer to type ¬¬) and also much more... random shall we say? X3

Hiita : Ah yes.. Amoebas...

Kao : yup X3 and and... three very good looking silver haired bishies /_squees_/

Hiita : Quiet. you'll give everything away.

Kao : Right. /_shuts up_/

Anyways. We both hope that didn't suck toobadly X3 And remember, reviews are always welcome

Kao : Second chapter to come... as soon as I stop being lazy and type it. Which shall be soon more than likely .


	2. Amoebas!

Hiita : Yay! Second chapter!

Kao: Woo! Party! I dedicate this chapter to my tablet Takuya! Takuya the Tablet!

Hiita : Takuya!

**Disclaimer time! **As we have stated before, we do not own any of the characters other than our own. The rest of the characters belong to Square-Enix...Or Looney Toons, don't own that either.

**Chapter 2 - AMOEBAS!**

It was a beautiful day in the city of Edge... well.. as beautiful as it ever was in the metallic city anyways. The sky was a light grey, the streets were busy (A/N: **Hiita:** It was beautiful damn it! _/shakes fist/_) and Hiita and Kao were at the small shop where they had their buisness

Singing, not all that quietly too herself, Kao was in her own, sometimes slighty psychotic little world. This being said, she was not paying attention to her surroundings. Bad idea as she was walking on the railing of a balcony on the second floor of the store where her, and Hiita sell their home-grown Greens. As Kao walked and sang, she had not noticed that she had come to the end of the railing. It was like she was in a Looney Toons cartoon as she seemed to be suspended in mid-air for a moment, before "AAAHHHHHHHH!" she fell. Lesson learned, never challenge gravity, for gravity usually wins.

At this time, a certain silver haired teen was walking directly underneath the very same balcony. (A/N : **Kao: **TOTALLY by chance and not by the authors will or anything . ) when a random falling body happened to so rudely fall on top of him. This incident, unfortunately, dit not tickle so to say for either of them. "Owwie." Kao groaned. Oh how she wished that she had fallen on an obese unsuspecting pedestrian. Well, at least this one still broke her fall, while she more than likely broke some of his bones in return. Even though he was, in fact, very thin, with no cusioning what-so-ever, she was still greatful.

The young male cursed as he pushed the random projectile body off of him. Kao, holding her now throbbing head, opened her eyes to see who she had accidently crushed in her battle with gravitational force. What she had seen frightened her to no ends. A pair of eyes, identical in every way to the silver haired chocobo famer's, stared back. Each teen studied each others identical faced for a moment, before running and screaming like madmen gone... well... mad.. in opposite directions.

Meanwhile, still in the shop, Hiita, Kao's closest friend, partner in buisness and quite often Kao's brain/logic, was just standing there in a daze. She was so busy staring at the man in a crimson cloak infront of her, (Apparently he had come to buy Greens for his idiot friend. This idiot friend of his now, according to him, thought he was a chocobo, due to the fact that he had constantly been mistaken for one because of his hair. And years of this finally snapped his fragile mind and now just refused to eat anything other than Greens. Beneath the mans dark appearance, he was quite the gossiper) ANYways. Because of this man, Hiita had not noticed her friends rather sudden disappearance, or the two screams of terror from below.

"Hiita! Help! I hit the ground with such force i split in two!" A frantic Kao cried while flailing through the streets of Edge. It was then that she collided with two, familliar silver haired men. "There you are, have you found anything?" The slender, longer haired man said in a gentle voice. The other, scarily large man stared for a moment. "Um... Why.. are you wearing those?" He said in a deep baratone voice as he made a grab for the poor girls breasts as she jumped back away from his grasp. "It's more than likely a disguise." interjected the longer haired one. All the while Kao just stared at the two, and now covering her two 'belongings' protectively with her arms, in horror. "Holy crap, I'm everywhere!" At that, the now traumatized Kao turned on her heel and took off in the direction in which she came. "...What was that about?..." "I don't know.. He was always the weird one."

After running in searching in a panic, the silver haired teen had finally found whom she was looking for. (A/N : **Hiita:** If you were smart, you would have checked the store in the first place.. **Kao:** Yeah well... Your face! **Hiita: **Ooh I'm cryin', look at me cry.) "HiitaHiitaHiitaHiitaHiiiiiiiiiiiita!" "What!" The girls red eyes flashed with annoyance. "Quick! You have to help me find me before I do something stupid!" Hiita just scared in utter confusion, trying to process what she had just heard. "Wait... What?... And... What..?" "Oh, and apparently I'm also 3/4's man!" Again, Hiita just stared. Yup, she was definately lost now. Although, it hadn't been the first time that Kao had claimed to be part man. "Okay." Hiita massaged her temples. "Let me get this straight. You have to find yourself, who is man, before you cause havoc?" The other girl nodded vigorously. "... What the hell have you been smoking?" "Just come on!" It was times like this that Hiita seriously question Kao's sanity. However, she went along with it as the slightly older girl dragged the brunette through the busy streets.

It wasn't long before they had spotted 'the other Kao' resting against a wall, catching his breath as his eyes darted about madly. "There I am!" The poor boy had no time to react as he was tackled to the ground. "Get! Back! In there!" Now... here was a sight. There was indeed a person who looks identical to Kao, and said person was indeed, male. And this person was now currently being shoved into Kao's chest as she tried to fuse with him to become 'whole' once again. Hiita rubbed her eyes, trying to rid herself of this scene. But when she opened her eyes, the 'other Kao' was still there. It was times like this when Hiita questioned _her_ sanity. She sighed, knowing that she had known Kao for too long, she was starting to rub off.

Of course, it wasn't long before the other two silver haired men arrived on the scene. Upon seeing the madness before them, they stopped dead in their tracks. The rather 'feminine' one glanced over to the brunette, standing not that far to the side, in a feeble attempt to figure out just what the hell was going on here. However, she seemed to be just as confused as he, and his brother were. So he did the only thing he could as the two identical teens wrestled on the ground... He watched. It was like a bad accident. They just couldn't look away from the event, yet none of them made a move to help.

"What the f.. Get the hell off of me!" The young man screamed in pure rage. "Not until we're one again!" "What the hell are you going on about!" "Don't play dumb with me. Now get back in!" "Are you frigging insane!" "Maybe."

Sighing, having witnessed enough of this insanity, the long haired man had finally decided to intervene. He picked both teens off of the ground by their shirt collars without much effort, and held them as far apart from each other as he could manage. "Would someone be so kind as to explain what's going on?" He asked calmly as the two teens struggled. Kao managed to grab a hole of his hair and attempted to pull him closer so she could become one again. "Oww! Let go you... You.. Girl!" "Excellent come back on that one" The long haired man smirked. "I got it!" A voice yelled suddenly. All four silver haired youths turned to the lone brunette, who had a huge knowing grin on her face. "Okay... There's this amoeba..." Three of the youths sighed while the other nodded in complete agreement. "An amoeba..?" The rather large one questioned. Both girls nodded. "Yuppers!" All three of the silver haired men slowly looked from each other, to these... strange girls.. then to the smallest of the three men who followed with a shrug. "...What?" "It's true!" This forced another sigh from the man holding the two apart. His patience was wearing thin, and it didn't help matters that the two teens in his grasp were trying to kick each other randomly. "Would you please start from the beginning?" His voice was still calm, however with a hint of an 'If-you-don't-tell-me-now-I'll-rip-out-your-spine-and-beat-you-to-death-with-it' tone. Kao had picked up that tone, and was now growing rather nervous. This man was definately not one you'd like to have angry with you. Oh dear, what an unnerving situation. The man holding her was glaring, and the other teen was glaring with all the ferocity he could muster. She had never noticed before, but dispite his small frame, (A/N **Kao: **Haha, Kadaj is short!) and, you have to admit, his downright adorablility factor, my _GOD_ he was scary. Yet another one you wouldn't want to mess with. So Kao explained quickly.

"Well, I fell off of a balcony to the ground." "With a _splat!_" "And I look up to see that I've split in two!" "Like an amoeba!" "I ran away from me, and ran into you two, and ran the other way." "Found me and dragged me all over the city to find her." "I found me and now I refuse to become one again!"

The other three just stared at the girls... and stared... and stared... and stared some more. Then. "**BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!**" "That is the most ludicrous thing I've ever heard!"

Kao fell to the ground rather harshly, as the one holding her was now holding his stomach instead, and doubled over in hysterics. The two girls glared as they found this no laughing matter. The three men, however, had mentally agreed that that was the strangest bit of logic that they have ever heard.. And trust me people, _that's_ saying something. "Did you eat paintchips as a child?" "My lord. How many times must I explain to people that I was curious!" Kao sighed. The three stared at the girl in shock, that was definately the last responce that they had expected to hear.

"**_WARK!_**" The all too familliar sound echoed through the ears of the group. Within seconds, the three silver haired men stood facing yellow fluff, weapons drawn. "Renfield!" Kao cried happily to her psycho... I mean.. loving chocobo. Hiita stopped her before she could run to her beloved chocobo. "Shhhhh" She said as she put a finger to her lips. "You'll ruin the dramatic scene." Kao understood and nodded.

A soft breeze blew the trios hair gently, adding to the drama. A gleam twinkled in Renfield's dark eyes as a tumble weed dramatically tumbled by. Renfield began to strut back and forth and forth in a chocobo fashion, keeping his eyes on the three who still had their weapons pointed in his direction. "Uh.. Excuse me.. Can you.. um... kindly put those things away?" The swift glare that Kao had recieved gave her the harse answer she didn't want to recieve. "Frying pans are more effective." Hiita whispered rather loudly to the eldest of the three, who was standing closest to her. "Hiita, that wasn't neccessary. You know what happened the last time you said anything about the _'you-know-what'" _Kao whispered as quietly as possible. The oldest silver haired man stared at Hiita, eyebrow arched. Well, it didn't take long before Kao took it upon herself to physically stop the other two while the burly man tried to weasel the story of this 'frying pan' out of Hiita. Hiita simply shook her head. "No! I can't! The story's too dramatic!" She kept repeating, putting her hand to her forehead for effect.

While everyone was distracted, Kao didn't waste any time to slip away to the nearest costume store without being noticed. Several minutes later, she returned, now sporting a lovely cowgirl ensamble, complete with matching hat and silver spurs. Lovely Kao, just lovely! She walked infront of her chocobo, taking long, slow strides for a more dramatic effect. The other four just blinked. What the hell?

The silver haired girl glares at the three mysterious men, trying to look as... cowboyish.. as she could. "Y'all come riding into my town like yer all that, kidnap my parter.. and now... yer threatenin' my chocobo." She sniffed, then spat, hearing a satisfying _ting!_ from.. god knows where. "Well.. This here town ain't big enough for the both of us" She paused "..or.. four of us"

Now, I'd be lying if i said that the three silver haired men completely understood what was going and were not confused at all. They just stared dumbfounded as the obviously mentally unstable girl slowly strutted towards them.

Once she was staring the shortest directly in the eyes, she quickly drew a gun from her hip holster and held it to his forehead. This caused the other two to aim their guns at her.

"Kao! What the hell do you think you're doing!" A now very worried Hiita cried. "Well? Do ya feel lucky, punk?" An evil smirk danced across Kao's lips. The other teen just glared, however, his slight nervousness was evident in his eyes.

Hiita reacted quickly as she did not want to have her friend resembling swiss cheese. So she gave a swift, hard back kick to the stomach of the long haired one, effectively knocking the air out of him and distracting the others. Kao took this chance to pull her trigger. The other young teen flinched, in fear of feeling hot metal pierce through his skull. But... Instead of this... -_pop_- He felt a strange sensation on his forehead. Slowly, reaching up, he found that a foam suction dart had stuck itself on him. With a -_Shplop!_- he pulled it off. Was this girl serious? The group stopped dead, even Renfield had stopped strutting back and forth in that chocobo'y way that he does, and stared at the two. While the teen holding the dart stared bewildered at the offending object. His gaze slowly drifted from the foam suction dart, to the girl who was still smirking evily, and back to the dart.

"Kao. What the hell did I just get through telling you this morning! You. Are. No. _Cowboy!_" A very annoyed Hiita enunciated each word carefully. "Or Cowgirl!" The oldest of the three men glanced at Hiita sideways. "Is... she always like this?" "Unfortunately yes..." The brunette sighed.

Hiita stood there for a moment staring at Renfield and Kao still doing their impression of a western. "SHIT!" She yelled suddenly as she ran off in the direction of the shop. The four silver haired youths stared at the brunette while she tore through the crowd, random people flying in every which way, as she disappeared into the distance. Unfortunately for her, and every pedestrian in her way, Hiita had forgotten that she had left their entire stock out in the open. By the time she had reached the shop, her worst fears (other than those over happy, creepy as hell monsters known as clowns) had been confirmed. The shop had looked like a tornado had blown through and fornicated with each of the items in its path of destruction. And amongst the chaos, were several fake, yellow feathers, and a very defeated looking man in the crimson cloak. "I... couldn't stop him... He was out of control!" He cried frantically as Hiita carefully inspected one of the suspicious feathers. "This" she paused for effect. "Is a crime scene!" She stroked her chim as she investigated the evidence around the shop. 'Oh yeah! CSI time!' she though to herself. All the while, the man in the cloak just stood there repeating "couldn't stop him... Couldn't... stop him" over and over again. The poor... poor man.

Meanwhile, back in the streets of Edge... "...Hiita..?" Kao was now surrounded by the three silver haired men, weapons drawn. Oh yeah.. They meant buisness. "Well... poo..." the shortest of the three, now over the initial shock and confusion of the current events, spoke up. "Now that things have calmed down, tell us who you are, and why do you look like me?" The lone girl pointed accusingly at him, waving her finger madly. "I should be asking you the same thing mister!" The one with the longest hair sighed yet again (what a surpriser eh?) obviously having had enough. "I'm Yazoo. He's Loz and he's Kadaj. Now tell us who you are!" The tone was back. "Fine... Kadaj.." She started in a very low voice accompanied by rather heavy, over exaggerated breathing. "I am your father's stepsister's greatgrandmother's mother's aunt's cousin twice removed." "... Huh?..." "Okay, I've had enough of this." Yazoo stepped in, grabbing Kao by the collar of her shirt. "Tell us who you are." He glared daggers through the girl, pressing the end of his gunblade against her neck to emphisize his seriousness. Kao, however, just simply shook him off. "Never!" She yelled as she leaped onto Renfields back and fled as fast as the chocobo's legs would carry them into the sunset. "Hiho Renfield.. AWAAAAYY! Yehaw!"

For about the millionth time that day, the three men just stared and blinked in confusion. "This... Has definately been one of the strangest days of my life." "For once Loz, I agree with you" Yazoo agreed, shaking his head.

**Chapter End**

Hiita : Yay!

Kao : That took a bit to type..

Hiita : Oh stop your complaining already!

Kao : Anyways, Will the SHM find out whoI am? Will Hiita discover the mystery behind the shop bandit! WillI ever stop trying to be a cowboy! WillLoz finally realise his dream and become astripper!

Hiita : Wtf? O.o Let's hope not

Kao :Tune in next chapter to find out!


End file.
